![[Home]](images/thumb.png)
What had initially been installed as
A cabinet for “extra storage”
Has since become an overgrown,
Multi-tiered expanse of shocking and apparently
Purposeless diversity.
So aggressive is its fruitfulness that
Violent encroachments into the
Kitchen proper have become a common,
Although unsettling occurrence.Now, my good accomplice,
Follow me close behind with your machete
(I trust you’ve had your tetanus shot)
And I will introduce you to a dear old friend of mine.
Now, I must warn you,
In the isolation
And indignation of his plight
He has become but a shadow of that brilliance
And propriety to which I was first drawn—
But this descent was precipitated by no fault of his own.
You see, at the very heart of this darkness,
Far beyond the hot air popcorn popper, Magic Bullet,
Electric can opener, lettuce spinner, fondue set, slow cooker,
Apple peeler, deep fryer, mushroom brush, egg separator,
Bagel slicer, George Foreman Grill and Flavor Wave—
And there past the sandwich press, garlic press, pancake press,
Waffle press, hamburger patty press, corn on the cob picks,
Tupperware miscellany, and Blenders #2, #3, and #4,
Lies one righteous exception.Good day, noble one—yes, it is indeed day—
Is my voice familiar? It should be. It is the same
Which so long ago sung your praise
And vehemently protested your exile.
I have brought with me an accomplice, whom you must
Temporarily accept in lieu of incandescent light.
He will share our secret—that you are thus
Incarcerated, not because you yourself possess some immoral feature—
Quite the contrary—
Because you are among a grand legacy of morally-elevated beings
Whose purity, by contrast, paints too wicked a picture of the unscrupulous,
Yet powerful.
Here you are banished and
Here for now you must remain.Take solace that we two,
Also awaiting a better, more succulent,
And far juicier world,
Understand that your place is on the counter,
Not here among the gimmicks
And redundancies.
Here I shall leave my
Dedicated accomplice by your side,
Keeping your goodness company,
And restoring your former grandeur,
Until this long dark tide has passed us by.