Dawn Carson - Mother of LGBT Daughter
Lynn , Barend, Allison, Erick, Kevin Dadouses, Mike Sangster, Dan (notes), Norval, Dawn Carson - Mother of LGBT Daughter, death doula, member of the Halifax Death Cafe.
Allison - shared going to a Death Café at the Glitter Bean
Topic: Canadian Virtual Hospice documents for 2SLGBT folk.
The Canadian Virtual Hospice has created four documents related to 2SLGBT+ rights and navigating the health system, difficult diagnoses, and death. They would like us to take a look and see if we're OK putting the Elderberries / NSRAP's approval on them.
Document: Passport
- this is meant to be given to your caregivers when you’re incapacitated, you’d have this filled out and give to the care home, it is a basic outline of information
- answers questions like e.g. Have I created a last will & testament?
Lynn: if you have an advanced health care directive, and a named “delegate” they should have a copy of it.
Planning for care
- Is meant to start to have a conversation
"If you were to get very sick, what would matter the most to you? “
- the suggestions are motherhood and apple pie
- and yet are good reminders and a place to start
- When my partner got sick, we did a thing like this and it was very helpful.
Sixteen questions which are the core:
Other questions during the discussion: "Where do the answers to these questions go? In the passport? Not necessarily - this is meant for discussion with your family. Most of these I don’t know how I’d answer”
We could have a discussion of: what if you ask a friend to be an executor and they say no? “The person said, ‘if you get sick, you die alone.’"
There’s a document with a list of 78 things an executor must do - including file 3 years of income tax.
Has anyone talked about donating your body to science?
- You can donate your body to science at Dal in Nova Scotia.
- You have to make an application, you have to do it.
- You need a Plan B if they don’t want your corpse.
- “My mom did this and Dal did everything.”
- “A friend’s dad did the same thing”
- “They are very easy to deal with, they answer the phone.”
- There was no cost to us at all.
- There is a ceremony, a church ceremony.
- (explanation of the whole procedure)
Can you be buried at sea? Possible but difficult. Scattering ashes at sea is illegal but very common.
Story about scattering ashes - in a snowstorm.
This is not my favourite subject but it needs to be talked about.
Going over the 17 points:
- 1: “it shouldn’t matter but it does” . Gender identity is important, orientation is not.
- 2: some people don’t want to know about their illness.
- 4: Most people agreed yes, some people said no.
- 5: good question, big question
- 6: how many times do you get asked that question? Never - not often
- 7: You have choices?
- 8 : Can you opt out? Do we have mediical assistancein dying?
- 10: Yes, absolutely.
- 14: “Not Norval” :-) This is an important question. There’s a legal pecking order and you might not approve of it.
- 15: “oh god yes” “What does loved ones mean?” “Depends on whether they are republican or democrat”
- 16: “Yeah”
You need
- A health care directive
- Power of Attorney - allowed to do business
- A will, which takes effect as soon as you die.
What if you can’t get anyone to be your trustee? You can hire a lawyer and the government will do it.
What if none of your friends wants to deal with your stuff? Whoever owns the apartment building will take your stuff to the dump.
Reminder, this document is about you getting very sick - not dying.
What type of clothing would you like to wear? We’re going to bury A with all of her scarves.
Being touched is very important to me — but not to everyone.
So, do we endorse this document?
- what is the purpose of this endorsement (explanation)
- yes, all supportive.
- it’s a great document
- these are four excellent documents to create clarity. But none of the four of them are legal documents.
- Death Cafe offers a workshop for doing this, for getting your documents organized
Maybe Barend could put it in the next newsletter.
Possible NSRAP / Elderberries projecs
- Workshop on these documents + the three
- "Ground truth" this document: ask people if they’ve done these things. What’s missing?
- We would like to think about this and come back.
- Dan: again at the risk or shameless promotion. You might as the NSwrap to fund LGBT to attend our Death Matter workshop to complete documents. Esp for this in the community who may need generosity.
Dawn my email deathmattersns@gmail.com for this doc & summary
- wayves article
- green burial nova scotia
Comments
- https://www.facebook.com/groups/LGBTgriefsupport, a group for LGBTQ+ dealing with loss.
- Dawn Carson~Death Matters : my email deathmattersns@gmail.com for this doc & summary
- Death Cafe information can be found on Death Matters website or FB page.
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