Present on Zoom: Lynn , Barend, Allison, Erick, Kevin Dadouses, Mike Sangster, Dan (notes), Norval.
Visitor: Dawn Carson - Mother of LGBT Daughter, death doula, member of the Halifax Death Cafe.
Allison - shared going to a Death Café at the Glitter Bean
Topic: Canadian Virtual Hospice documents for 2SLGBT folk.
The Canadian Virtual Hospice has created four documents related to 2SLGBT+ rights and navigating the health system, difficult diagnoses, and death. They would like us to take a look and see if we're OK with putting the Elderberries / NSRAP's approval on them.
Document: Passport
- this is meant to be given to your caregivers when you’re incapacitated, you’d have this filled out and give to the care home, it is a basic outline of information
- answers questions like e.g. Have I created a last will & testament?
Lynn: if you have an advanced health care directive, and a named “delegate” they should have a copy of it.
Planning for care
- Is meant to start to have a conversation
"If you were to get very sick, what would matter the most to you? “
- the suggestions are motherhood and apple pie
- and yet are good reminders and a place to start
- When my partner got sick, we did a thing like this and it was very helpful.
Other questions during the discussion: "Where do the answers to these questions go? In the passport? Not necessarily - this is meant for discussion with your family. Most of these I don’t know how I’d answer”
What if you ask a friend to be an executor and they say no? “Someone I asked said to me, ‘if you get sick, you die alone.’"
Being an executor is not a trivial undertaking (pardon the pun.) There’s a document with a list of 78 things an executor must do - including file 3 years of income tax.
Do we have medical assistance in dying? Yes, absolutely. There are very specific criteria for who qualifies.
Has anyone talked about donating your body to science?
- You can donate your body to science at Dal in Nova Scotia.
- You have to make an application, you have to do it.
- You need a Plan B if they don’t want your corpse.
- “My mom did this and Dal did everything.”
- “A friend’s dad did the same thing”
- “They are very easy to deal with, they answer the phone.”
- There was no cost to us at all.
- There is a ceremony, a church ceremony.
- (explanation of the whole procedure)
Can you be buried at sea? Possible but difficult. Scattering ashes at sea is illegal but very common.
Story about scattering ashes - in a snowstorm.
Going over the 17 points:
- 1: How much information do you want shared about your sexual orientation “it shouldn’t matter but it does” . Gender identity is important, orientation is not.
- 2: How much detail would you like to know about your illness? some people don’t want to know about their illness.
- 4: Would you like your doctor to give you their best estimate of how long you have to live Most people agreed yes, some people said no.
- 5: Would you like to stop medical treatments if they impact your ability to enjoy your life? good question, big question
- 6: Would you want natural or alternative medicine as part of your treatment? How many times do you get asked that question? Never - not often
- 7: Would you prefer to spend your last days at home, in a hospice, in a hospital, in a nursing home, or a special place in your community? You have choices?
- 14: Who do you want or not want providing your care? “Not Norval” :-) This is an important question. There’s a legal pecking order and you might not approve of it.
- 15: Do you wish to be left alone or have loved ones around? “oh god yes” “What does loved ones mean?” “Depends on whether they are republican or democrat”
- 16: Are there things that you still need to talk to your loved ones about? “Yeah”
Just a reminder, these documents are not in any way legally binding. You still need three things:
- A health care directive for health care;
- Power of Attorney: who is allowed to conduct your business while you're alive; and
- a will, which takes effect as soon as you die.
What if you can’t get anyone to be your trustee? You can hire a lawyer, or the government will do it. Also Virtual Hospice has resources for less expensive lawyer options.
What if none of your friends wants to deal with your stuff? Whoever owns the apartment building will take your stuff to the dump. (there was a few moments of silence after this.)
Reminder, this document is about you getting very sick - not dying.
What type of clothing would you like to wear? We’re going to bury "A" with all of her scarves.
Being touched is very important to me — but not to everyone.
So, does the Elderberries endorse this document?
- what is the purpose of this endorsement (explanation)
- yes, all supportive.
- it’s a great document
- these are four excellent documents to create clarity. But none of the four of them are legal documents.
- Death Cafe offers a workshop for doing this, for getting your documents organized
Maybe Barend could put in the next newsletter
- Summary of the talk
- Link to the Virtual Hospice documents
- Link to Death Matters website
- Link to the LGBT Grief Support facebook group (below
- Link to the Halifax Death Café
Possible NSRAP / Elderberries projects
- Workshop on these documents + the three
- "Ground truth" this document: ask people if they’ve done these things. What’s missing?
- We would like to think about this and come back.
- fund LGBT to attend our Death Matter workshop to complete documents. Esp for this in the community who may need generosity.
Dawn my email deathmattersns@gmail.com for this doc & summary
- wayves article
- green burial nova scotia
Resources from the chat:
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