Elderberries Library: 2025-01-20 Meeting

Speakers Bureau Request

When: Monday, 20 January, 10:00AM

Host: Austin Oswald as799581@dal.ca Assistant Professor School of Health and Human Performance Dalhousie University

Location: Tupper Building, 10th Floor, Dalhousie

Topic: Queer Perspectives on Aging

On Standby

What would you like to tell younger people about aging?

Alison: parts of my body don't work as well as they used to
Eric: it's work to get out and socializing
Steph: it's important to get out, that makes me feel good. I use computers, but even I have trouble with fast advancing technology.
Chris: older people seem to be more in the closet. I have to rememeber that some time ago I was in the closet - in Labrador. I had no ideas what it meant by saying being in the closet.

How do you deal with stigma or false beliefs from within the queer community?

Eric: I don't believe in stigma: for example, "Queer" is hurtful for some people but I spent lots of time in New York when we repatriated the word. I had to learn about pronouns but I'm very happy we're here now.
Steph: When I was growing up there was no stigma, there were no distinctions between gay and straight and black and white. When I get deadnamed: hey, I've been in bed with a girl, and called her by my ex's name. You should practice not being upset, when the person apologizes. When I tell stories about my past life, do I use "Stephanie" or do I use "Steve" ?? Eventually you work through that.
Allison: the word "lesbian" had such a stigma. We were gay. Then we decided to carve out our own identity. It seems like "Queer" is a watering down of my existence as a lesbian.

What has a healtcare professional done to make you comfortable? What have they done to make you NOT comfortable?

Chris: Hospitals really have gone out of their way to make us comfortble. That being said, when I was in a hospital I'd try to get out as soon as possible. I think that people are doing their jobs as well as possible - that being said, there are a few bad people.
Allison: I'm really a boy; I'm really a tomboy. But then, these things started to grow on my chest. In 2020 I was thinking of asking for gender affirming surgery and was really afraid of being laughed at - but I wasn't.
Eric: There's a continuum which goes from outright homophobia to total acceptance. It's up to you as healthcare providers to watch out for that. I had a medical emergency and went to the hospital wearing a rainbow logo hat, and the nurse maybe from a homophobic culture, asked me questions that were totally irrelevant to that; she was dismissive, and started asking personal quesions - are you married, do you have kids? blatanty trying to figure out if I was gay or not.

What do you think of Successful Aging? What problems do you think it has?

Chris: I don't want to sound like I'm a victim. But. I grew up as an impoverished Inuit guy with an alcoholic background.I think I'm doing well to be 61 as healthy as I am.
Stephanie: My parents were control freaks. I was thrown out of the house at age 18 because I had long hair. My dad was a prison officer. I married an abusive woman, got out of that relationship eventually and in and out of work because they wanted you to be totally obedient - and I wasn't. I needed therapy - and that cost money, and I had none. So I worked on myself to change myself, and over the years I've done a 180 on myself. I do get depressed or down around Christmas time because I spend it by myself. As soon as a doctor said, "There's a program for you," I felt better about myself. Physically I'm very healthy - I'm lucky that way.
Allison: About that term: "Positive aging": I haven't aged since I was 21. None of us have. (although I'm 70 years old.) I don't feel like "Positive Aging" applies to me.

What have you done to prepare for aging?

Stephanie: I plan to go to the balcony and jump off. I work as an accountnta, and I'll do that until I'm six-foot-under. I got off the roundabout of having to buy the latest and greatest.
Dan: I live in a multi generational house - someone 15 years older than I,someone 20 years younger.
Allison: my mom lives in a multi storey house and I think getting around that gives her lots of exercise; I plan to try to do that too - moving around, doing stairs.
Eric: Get a dog, for the same thing - it gets you out meeting people and getting exercise.

Reflections from the students

Always stay open to new things that can be fun.
Everyone's story is different. You can't make assumptions based on what you think someone looks like or talks like.
Successful aging requires resources - money. Not everyone can do it; you need money and community.
Part of our jobs will need to help with navigation.
Chris: Devices are quite difficult for older people.
Thank you for coming in, I'm going to take this into consideration
Mentioning that you can be in control of your aging - some parts, sometimes anyway. You're the one who decides if you're going out today.
It's encouraging to hear that the healthcare system is doing well. We often focus on the negatives and it's good to hear the good parts.
It's good to hear that you can physically age but you're mentally young.
It's great to hear you speaking assertively and not apologetically.