Elderberries Library: 2018-08 Survey

The Question

Why don't you attend Elderberries events? Why do you think others don't?

The Answers

I do not like potlucks. I would prefer to simply have a speaker, discussion, etc. without any food. 9/9/2018 10:41 AM
I live outside of town and working in town 3 days per week. The Elderberries events are usually on days I don’t commute in. I joined Elderberries because I think it is important for groups to exist to give GLBTQ+ elders a voice. I always read the newsletters. I am a young elderberry (age 58) - no offence meant to older Elderberries- and I don’t find the group all that relevant to me, but I still think it is important for the group to exist. I went to the salon during Pride week and found it very interesting. 9/6/2018 11:56 AM
Cliques are hard to break. Perhaps you need a welcoming crew to assist? 9/4/2018 6:24 AM
Shy to go alone. Not sure about potluck. not a great cook 9/3/2018 10:33 PM
anticipated rewards (learning, sociality, usefulness, etc.) not enough to overcome expected hassles (parking, social & physical discomfort, leaving home etc.) 8/31/2018 4:53 PM
Sunday's are not a good day for me. 8/31/2018 1:03 PM
Over the last few years I have been lucky enough to spend my Winters in Puerto Vallarta Mexico. During this time of year I spend most weekends at the Spry Bay campground where I have a trailer on a seasonal site. The fact that most Elderberry meetings are held on Sunday is a problem for me. Most of us are retired so meetings during the week or early evening are possible. I think it would also help on occasion to have meetings at a location where it is possible to have a drink or order something to eat. I don't like potlucks. An interesting topic for some meetings would be travel and the best way to do it. Another would be RV and camping. The gay community lost a great asset when The Mermaid and the Cow closed. It is unfortunate that at this time there is no campground in in the maritimes that proudly flies the rainbow flag. 8/31/2018 12:40 PM
I have only recently joined Elderberries and have not attended any events as yet. I had never heard about Elderberries before and a friend had a Northwood Newsletter and I saw it in there back in the spring. I thought great I would like to join. 8/31/2018 8:43 AM
I haven't because I have been physically unwell and it sometimes difficult to get your gatherings. Also, just because someone else is queer and a senior, does not mean I am going to have anything in common with them, and sometimes your gatherings feel boringly political and dry. I appreciate human connection, humour and I am not necessarily interested in the topics you have on offer. You all seem nice and I will be more inclined to go when I am feeling better. As I get older, life is hard. I want to do things that are fun. That's what I want and need. I understand fun is subjective, but I want more fun. 8/30/2018 6:22 PM
Mostly shyness 8/30/2018 12:18 PM
Mostly because of the 45 min. drive into town. 8/30/2018 10:39 AM
Not sure if I'd fit in the age group. I'm 55. Dont live in HRM so distance is a factor to attend events. 8/30/2018 9:23 AM
I am frequently out of town or have commitments on the dates of Elderberries events. Also some days I am reclusive and do not want to leave my nest for whatever reason. I really can't say why others don't. 8/30/2018 8:54 AM
Indifference to the suffering of others. 8/30/2018 6:58 AM
Boring. Feel no connection with the other people there. 8/30/2018 5:23 AM
Cherished Non Attending Elderberry! Daniel! You wheedler! How can I resist?!!! Reason 1: As things stand I can't find my way back in the door. Overthinking it maybe. My remarks are also probably not relevant to the survey if the intention is to improve the organization. I have no complaint with the organization apart from not meeting any Asians, blacks, Arabs, women with penises or men with vaginas. Or asexuals. The organization could be more inclusively queer. Reason 2: After the first few meetings I wondered if Elderberries was inclusive enough to accommodate someone like myself. Forty years ago I searched for fellowship in this town and failed to find the community I needed. My first meeting at Elderberries this year was my official return to the scene. I thought maybe the time was right, that maybe the social and political climate had changed but I quickly came to feel again that I wasn't measuring up to a community standard. It was simply a fact. The fit didn't feel right. Reason 3: I have had gall bladder problems since last April and have been avoiding gatherings featuring food or feasting. No restaurants, suppers, barbecues for months. My diet is very restrictive. The little bugger (my gall bladder) comes out September 19. Reason 4: I don't ever want to find myself in a situation where I am required to explain where I was when the war for equality was being waged. I was fighting my own fucking war, I had to fight it alone and I don't feel nostalgic about it. There are also not that many years left. I am using them to make my peace. I guess I am saying I felt there was a potential for conflict around issues of interpersonal relationships at Elderberries events and I felt it would be unwise to continue. My current health problem added to the mix and made the situation seem hopeless. I don't know why others don't attend. I wasn't aware that attendance was low. Possibly health and transportation are issues. What are the percentages? Any lower than other senior groups in the city? 8/30/2018 5:17 AM
i have been swamped with work. i hope to resurface at some point. 8/30/2018 12:39 AM
Halifax and environs is just too far to go. 8/29/2018 11:32 PM
Mostly 'cuz I'm shy... 8/29/2018 10:06 PM
I haven’t for a couple years now due to health and Donna’s work Shedule. I have had two knee replacements, both thumbs operated on for arthritis (just recovering from the right one), almost died from sepsis due to two abscesses on my spine and a few other issues along the way. Can’t make this stuff up. All in four years this happened. I can’t get out to do much. 8/29/2018 7:18 PM
For me...just more of a scheduling thing. For years, I have gone for an early Sunday dinner with friends around 5pm --so mid afternoon potluck doesn't work for me. Also, location isn't real convenient...but, I appreciate no matter where you pick, it will be an issue for someone. Maybe an afternoon coffee @ the library? 8/29/2018 6:24 PM
I just joined and the 1st event was in August on a very hot summer day outdoors. I'll definitely come to other ones. I'm looking forward to meeting people. 8/29/2018 5:51 PM
Mostly because it would involve too much driving (an hour each way) 8/29/2018 5:32 PM
Ithe is for me the emphasis on food which for a diabetic is very hard to deal with. 8/29/2018 5:15 PM
The reason I was not able to attend past 5 months other events were scheduled the same Sunday as Elderberries.I plan to attend from here on Cecil....... 8/29/2018 4:28 PM
People act so old there. Well it is a co-ed thing for starters so that would keep some people away. I have plenty to do on Sunday afternoon. If you need numbers I will show up and be bored with it but I will show up. 8/29/2018 3:51 PM
Mostly it's about distance, but also don't get info probably as I'm not on Facebook a lot ... and life is busy! ?? 8/29/2018 3:29 PM
I did not have the courage or did I feel liberated to share my attraction towards other men until late in life. Also I moved to the metro area five years ago and frankly I only have a very small network of gay friends. Being able to embrace a community is really important to me. Although I did share with my small network of my local friends the role Elderberries can provide, none of my friends would agreed to go with me to an Elderberries social event. Because I am basically very shy and I lack confidence to put myself 'out there' along with my back up excuse that it's likely I would probably be viewed as a 'want to be gay' as my experiences are from the past 15-20 years along with present day adventures......I wish I had the confidence to simply walk in to a social gathering, introduce myself and begin charming all those who I would meet; however, that's not me and I know I could never pull of a stunt like that with any amount of genuineness. The choice I have made to at least get placed on the Elderberries mail out list, nevertheless does provide me some sense of belonging to a community and frankly I have learned a lot and have been informed about various facilities I would have never known about if it wasn't for those mail outs.....so I am grateful for those helpful bits of information and having that information has assisted me in broadening my metro experiences. I would never assume why others do or do not attend Elderberries events. We are all unique individuals with our own unique stories, thus my only comment to this second question is why or why not is a personal choice and the reasons will vary from one person to the next. I hope others will respond so board members will be able to obtain a better understanding to their inquiry. 8/29/2018 2:58 PM
I have just started joining. I would like to come to an event or two. I am usually just really flat out with other volunteer commitments and community work. 8/29/2018 2:55 PM
Don't like the venue and don't like potlucks. 8/29/2018 2:32 PM
I'm 43 and as such, don't quite meet your age criteria. I'd love to attend, but don't want to intrude. I'm on your page because I wish to be supportive and want to provide my services, should they be required. When I reach your age requirement, I will attend. I love the laid-back, non-bar activities you post. 8/29/2018 2:28 PM
I can't due to messed up shift work. :( 8/29/2018 2:11 PM
I work on the week end and sometime receiving shortest notice for the event..making impossible to make plan at the very last min. I live 3 hours away to Halifax. 8/29/2018 1:54 PM
I feel like I am too young given the name involves the word elder. 8/29/2018 1:48 PM
Only been a member recently. The two events that have been held required that you bring food. I'm not a cook and buying something is out the question since I am on limited income. best wishes 8/29/2018 1:26 PM
I am so new I haven’t yet been able to attend. I will! 8/29/2018 1:23 PM
I will 8/29/2018 1:17 PM
I don't because I live in Winnipeg! If ever my trips to HRM coincide, I will be there!!! We face the same challenges here with Over the Rainbow.... Same faces doing the work... same ones attending... celebrate with those who do make the effort...and know in time things will improve. As with any group of personalities, cliques develop discouraging some... Good luck!! 8/29/2018 12:56 PM
we like the bbqs and potlucks for the socializing, but the theatre nights and other organized events not so much. 8/29/2018 12:53 PM
Functions are all in the city (except for 1 a year in Kentville) thus difficult to get to, find parking, etc....but I enjoy getting the notices and newsletter....maybe some day....you could try being more inclusive of the rural lifestyle and older adults living outside of the city....ask if there's anything specific that would entice us to come.... 8/29/2018 12:34 PM
I live in Moncton but am on the mailing list so I know what is going on in Halifax and can attend if something interests me 8/29/2018 12:19 PM
DOn't know anything about it. 8/29/2018 11:52 AM
I want to attend just sometimes my work gets in the way. Not I will be attending some events Hong forwards. 8/29/2018 11:48 AM
I don't attend most Elderberries events because I'm a younger person. I'm on the mailing list because I was once involved with NSRAP and still like being in the loop about what the Elderberries are up to. 8/29/2018 11:39 AM
I just live too far away in Sydney. 8/29/2018 11:36 AM
Not living in the Halifax area makes it a bit difficult to attend. However, I will make an honest attempt to change that. I have enjoyed the times when I attended. A great group!! Love to all. 8/29/2018 11:31 AM
I've got more to do than energy to do it. But a friend in NB sends me the notices and newsletters; that's how I got to Sam Wilson's memorial last week. One day I may get there. 8/29/2018 11:16 AM
Location, Location, Location. While I appreciate some members may be on the older side of retirement, at 58, I am still working and very active. Going to a long-term, care home makes me feel like i am aging myself prematurely. I think this is true of other people as well. Perhaps there could be two groups within the elderberries; the 50 to 65 yrs and then a post 65 years and let people decide which fits their needs best. I love to go hiking, cycling and all things that involve active living...i'm sure others feel the same way. Retirement is a 'state of mind' that is rapidly changing...Advocacy is essential - the elderberries are great at making sure the needs of older folk are heard...perhaps they can also make sure this group is 'seen' on bikes, walks, dances, bars, coffee shops, camp sites, etc., and not just at pride or a long-term, care home. Thanks for asking the question and for listening. 8/29/2018 11:16 AM
inconvenient times 8/29/2018 11:12 AM
I was taken aback when I was 49 and 6 months and was told I could not attend. I felt that was too picky for me. 8/29/2018 11:10 AM
My partner and I don't attend these events because our schedules are already overly full. We have no complaints about the nature of the events but already have a busy work and social life. I have no real idea why others don't attend. 8/29/2018 10:56 AM
- Often topics are not of interest - Not enough social time - Attendance is required for presentations / topics; not optional. If the topic is not of interest you don't have the option to socialize during that time (not easy to have two groups at the same time in that space I know). So if the topic is not of Interest and social time is limited, why attended? - Money is collected but no financial statements are... to my knowledge... made available. This fosters distrust. - Daycare like environment ("Now let's go around the table and EVERYONE will tell us about their favourite Christmas", "Sit down and hush up" - emails from multiple people representing elderberries sometimes repeating, correcting or providing additional information on previous emails. Gives the impression of disorganization (another email..like... WTF?) and control issues (some people just won't let go) 8/29/2018 10:52 AM
I would attend except I live far away from Halifax -- sometimes I'm in Sydney NS, sometimes I'm in Newfoundland (and right now I'm in the Ottawa region!). As for others, I suppose some would show if there were younger people also present... 8/29/2018 10:48 AM
I see myself as a friend of the Elderberries... about 15 years younger than the target. I am happy to support Elderberries in whatever ways I can, and make a point of coming when there is a speaker of interest to me or the discussion topic is one to which I feel I can make meaningful contributions. I have heard at least one person who is of Elderberry age bemoan what he sees as a preoccupation with food/potluck, something I share with you for what it’s worth. Blessings, Renee 8/29/2018 10:42 AM
I now live too far away (75 minutes) for what I get out of the meetings, given I have to drive to Halifax or Dartmouth other times in the week. The meetings sure helped me when I first came out as trans. Sarah Taylor. 8/29/2018 10:40 AM
Elderberries is great and I encourage your important work. But my active participation in the community is in my past. 8/29/2018 10:38 AM
No interest as the group doesn't do anything. Need t to broaden your base. 8/29/2018 10:34 AM
I don't attend regularly because I am now living in Ontario. I do attend when I am in the area. All the bests. 8/29/2018 10:28 AM
We live too far away to attend. 8/29/2018 10:26 AM
I have a busy schedule and find it hard to find the time -I like getting all the updates and events just the same I feel It is the same for others -busy lifestyle and other commitments However there are those that maybe not able to travel or have mobility issues 8/29/2018 10:18 AM
Making it a tea party is unnecessary. it is expensive to prepare even a small dish.perhaps meeting at a club would give people a choice. although i have only attended once...i would more often if there were interesting topics or projects...one idea perhaps starting a carpool for meetings and also transportation for those without it to medical appointments or banking etc....just saying..thanks terry 8/29/2018 10:07 AM
It seemed to me to be a very cliquey and not welcoming group. The activities seemed to be aimed at an older age group ( I am 61) . Potlucks with a million rules at a seniors Center do not interest me. I joined the group looking to meet people my age with similar interests and from the newsletters I was not getting the sense that I had much in common with others. 8/29/2018 10:05 AM
I live an hours drive away. I have had limited access to a vehicle over the last few years. It is seldom convenient for me to attend. I don’t know why others don’t attend. I now have my car, so hope to be able to attend future meetings. 8/29/2018 10:04 AM
I appreciate knowing what is happening via the various emails. Most times I'm busy with other plans, and sometimes just being lazy. We got our lawyer as a result of an earlier Elderberries event. 8/29/2018 9:59 AM
Im away 6-7 months of the year and in the summer when i am here, i am often at my cottage on sunday afternoons. Iam more often in town thru the week. Im also a bit shy 8/29/2018 9:54 AM
I attended the very first Elderberries when you were just in incubation. However I since moved to New Glasgow so attendance is not always practical but I like to be informed of activities. Unfortunately many mixed (LGBTQ) groups have a tendency to become male dominated. There are numerous factors that contribute to that and sometimes woman are less apt to step forward. 8/29/2018 9:52 AM
In the summer I have many events and people to see on my own. Also I do not have a vehicle for transportation of cooked things, and lacking a vehicle I am also not free to come to an event and leave from an event as I chose, and do not like imposing on others. The comments I hear from MANY people regarding the Northwood meetings is that those there are mostly just talking about past gay history over and over. It has the atmosphere of a nursing home and I personally am not at that stage yet. I have had a great summer with many activities for BBQ's, dinner invitations, seeing a theatre ballet, movies, long walks, kayaking, and deep conversations with people on topics outside of past gay history. 8/29/2018 9:51 AM
Three times I wanted to attend events and carpooling was offered, but no one stepped up or followed through and I had no ride. Part of this I believe is a 'clique'. Those who are already friends just stick with each other, and are not welcoming to any outsiders. 8/29/2018 9:51 AM
I have other social groups to participate in. Sunday afternoons for functions is not my best time. I am comfortable with my small circle of gay friends. 8/29/2018 9:45 AM
The 2 pm Sunday time conflicts with my regular band practice. Almost any other time would work for me, and I would love to attend more meetings. 8/29/2018 9:43 AM
They're usually on SUNDAYS!! (when I'm usually at the cottage) Sorry, wish it were different. (like occasional weekday evenings) Could the meetings alternate each month from Sunday afternoons to, say, Tuesday evenings?? Just giving out loud... Thanks, and all the best, Alex 8/29/2018 9:39 AM
I have a full and busy life. I like to be kept in the know of what the Elderberries are doing so I can occasionally attend an event. 8/29/2018 9:38 AM
Not retired yet and most functions are when i am working 8/29/2018 9:38 AM